Craig's Personals. WTF are People Thinking?

Recently while looking on Craig's List for a new (used) tv, I saw the personals section. Always one to get a kick out of personal ads, I decided to read a few. What I saw really made me shake my head in disbelief.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Lonely Spinster Seeks Dinner and a Screw - w4m - 41

I'm just a lonely woman who would like to meet an attractive gentleman and be taken out to dinner at a nice location and then given some GOOD sex.
Please no married men or otherwise attached. Send a pic and your interests in food and sex.

I thought it odd that this woman refers to herself as "spinster". A spinster is a woman who has never been married and who are regarded as beyond the normal age for marriage. But she is 41. that isn't too old!

The odd part is the fascination with dinner. She wants dinner and tells you that your reply to her should mention your interests in food. Is this post by Rosie O'donnell?

I wanted so badly to reply to her with: Funny you should ask about my food and sex interests, as they both involve Hostess Twinkies. I love shoving a twinkie in my brown eye, squeezing my cheeks and feeling the creme shoot out. Then when the twinkie is limp, I release my cheeks. You think she would have replied?

Friday, October 19, 2007

BJ Queen - w4m - 42

Who wants to be the judge?

Yup, that is the whole post. I am heading out with some of the guys in a few minutes, but decided to see if there was any good posts before I went. I saw this post and now I can't stop thinking of Abba's dancing Queen. Since one can't leave it at that, I decided to see if the lyrics would work.

You can blow you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the BJ queen

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to blow
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the rod is high
With a bit of spit, everything is fine
You’re in the mood for a bj
And when you get the chance...

You are the BJ queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
BJ queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can BJ, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the BJ queen

Well, that settles it. BJ queen could be the comeback hit Abba is looking at!
They owe it all to some craigs list slut!!

I want to go to the Red Sox game Saturday - w4m - 19

I'll be your "date" for the game tomorrow night ... you provide the tix and I'll provide the under 40, at least decent looking (must send a face pic and stats)... would be willing to be shared by two or three guys ( I know tix are expensive), but they would all have to be really hot....come on guys wanna see Big Papi score a homerun ... you might too

This little girl (yes....19 is a little girl) starts out innocently enough. She wants to go to a sox game. But she throws in this line "Would be willing to be shared by two or three guys". OK...STOP. She is basically saying: "I'm a prostitute, and I don't mind banging 3 guys at once".

But the best par of it is this: she s a prostitute that works on the barter system. What she needs is a menu of items.
  • Suck 1 of my tits.....give me a flashlight
  • Suck 2 of my tits....I need a sleeping bag
  • Lick my toes...a bucket of Ramen Pride noodles.
  • See me naked....$20 in tokens to Chucky cheese.
  • Fuck me....Living room end table from crate and barrel.
  • Have 3 guys fuck me....looking for red sox playoff tickets.

well, I think that covers it.

Seeking Millionaire Man - 36

I am a single, smart, sexy girl, with a great smile, lots of naughtiness and passion who is seeking a guy who can spoil me, take me places, shop at Tiffany's, dine in all the finest restaurants in Boston. Would love to meet a man who is smart, confident, sexy, successful and rich. Someone who is exciting, who loves the finer things in life, quick witted, a good conversationalist. Someone who shops at Brooks Brothers, looks damn good it a tie, can afford to go to a Patriots game, will take me shopping for Jimmy Choos...bonus if you have a summer home somewhere fabulous, or a yacht to head to the Bahamas...if any of this sounds like you...find me soon...

As if the over the top sexual posts were not funny enough. Today I saw this gem. Is this woman really looking for a rich guy? On craig's list? Bitch is in for a small surprise I'd say. In order to help her out, I think I'll reply to her post A simple email with the following should help her out: GET A FUCKING JOB YOU LAZY SLUT!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

seeking married man ,house wife, needs more - w4m - 34

seeking married man ,house wife, needs more just as it sais, can't get any at home, so for the first time after 12 yrs., i'm stepping out, and i would like it all,very descreet please , 124lbs, fit, 36b , blk hair, my friends call me cute, i agree w/them ,i need what's coming to me, d&d free , please no weirdo's, thanks.

OK, where I start on this entry??
2) Your friends say you're cute? Right, so cute that your own husband will not fuck you. They are your friends and they are being nice. try getting some honest friends that will be truthful.
3) No weirdos? You DO know you're posting to craigs list in search of an unfaithful man to fulfill your own unfaithful fantasies. You're ONLY going to get weirdos! As a mater of fact, you ARE one!

Don't stop riding my flesh hole baby! - w4m

I'm seeking for some nice, clean guy to perform oral sex with me. I am 27 years old, 5'4", 120lbs. I don't like guys who have health issues, boring, and disrespectful. Casual encounter only! curious? contact me on ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This little minx sure does have a way with the english language doesn't she. Nothing like the term "flesh hole" to get one's afternoon kicked off correctly. Oddly enough she is posting to Craig's List looking for men to ride her flesh hole, yet she does not want anyone disrespectful. Not sure you're going to find anyone fitting that description here dear. I was going to reply to her, but I have a health issue. I'm also a bit boring if you must know.

I need a fat white guy over 40 to smash my kitty

As far as headlines go, this was a real eye grabber. I mean who does not get excited when they read "I need a fat white guy over 40 to smash my kitty"? Even though I am not fat, who doesn't enjoy a good kitty smashing? The body text had this gem of a line in it: "looking for a fat bald white guy to pump me up. only fat white bald guys"

Is this woman for real? Obviously not. I hope! Ladies beware, this is going to be my new pickup line. Imagine being in a bar, catching the eye of some hot chick, walking across the bar, and saying "I'd like to smash your kitty". I'm sure it will work. Stay tuned.